To Pay or Not to Pay?

Tags

dating, EHarmony, love, men, OkCupid, online dating, Online dating service, personal, PlentyofFish, relationships, Romance

Hello there, People of the Internet!  I hope you have all been well during the past several weeks while I’ve been toiling away at life.  Update: I never heard back from Batman (thank God), I displayed my wares at a local art show and sold next to nothing (just like everyone else), I was mini-stalked by a customer, and I filled out an E-Harmony profile.  Oh, and I took this past week off from life, ditched work and school (in an entirely responsible manner), and went to Disneyland.  Yay!

The first two events… okay, event and non-event, are self-explanatory.  I’ll begin with the mini-stalking.  A while back I was asked out by a customer at the overpriced clothing store I work for (which is not Abercrombie.  No love for haters).  He was quite cute and he had a Spanish accent, which I find adorable, so I gave him my number.  We texted, he was oddly eager to get together, we made date plans for Saturday, and he stood me up.  Being the silly, impatient girl I am, the next afternoon I texted, “What the hell?”  He feigned ignorance, said something came up, he didn’t have his phone, etc.  He continued to occasionally text me for the next few weeks.  I told him to get lost.

Fast-forward to last week.  I was folding my 200th t-shirt when I noticed a guy watching me but trying not to get my attention.  I thought he may have a question, so I went to him.  He did indeed need jeans in a different size.  Then he said, in the saddest tone imaginable, “Why didn’t you answer my text messages?”  I’m certain my initial expression was one of confusion, and then it dawned on me.  I had forgotten who he was.  He realized this fact and made a beeline for the back of the store.  There is no escaping me, though.  I’m lead cashier.  His shame was palpable.  He was so pathetic, in fact, that I told him he could have another shot if he apologized really hard.  He looked at the floor like a scorned child and said, “But I already did…”  We have exchanged a few texts since then, but nothing Earth-shattering.  Eh.  Not worth it.

This brings me to my main topic: E-Harmony.  Up until now I have never paid for a dating site.  I’ve done Plenty of Fish, How About We, OKCupid… everything free.  And I’ve gotten bupkis.  It has been months since I’ve seen my friends (we have plans to hike this Saturday but there’s an 85% chance they’ll cancel) and I’m no closer to having a social life.  I am starting to feel desperate.  Okay, okay, desperation has been malingering for years, but I’m reaching a new level here.  I NEED to go out with someone.  Anyone!  I need adult time in a loud place with music and alcohol and I need it NOW!  I’ve considered going out alone but that generally doesn’t work out so well.  I am only pretty when I smile and I don’t tend to do much smiling when I’m sitting in a bar drinking alone.  It also sounds like a great way to get roofied.

Fact: I am messaged on OKCupid on a fairly regular basis, but it’s generally by half-literate boys (not men) I wouldn’t normally give the time of day to.  I typically respond anyway in the hopes that I’m being too hard on them, only to discover that “half-literate” was too generous.  I’m occasionally excited to find a man as loquacious as I am, right up until I discover “maryjane” is listed as one of the six things he could never live without.  Then I find a promising young buck who likes hiking and reading… who happens to be a devout Mormon.  Next, a cute guy in the film industry… who doesn’t believe in evolution.  Then, a virgin.  No shit.  A 26 year old virgin.  In the words of Sweet Brown, ain’t nobody got time for that!  What the fuck is going on here??  Aren’t there any normal 32 year old men who like bowling, books, and Star Wars?  I really didn’t think I was putting too fine a point on Cupid’s arrow here.

Listen, I know I’m picky.  I don’t like them too fat or too skinny, too dumb, too high, too old or too young.  What I’d really like is 33 year old Harrison Ford.  A rugged, outdoorsy intellectual.  I have always had a thing for men who are about 32 years old.  I don’t know what it is about them, but it seems to be that sweet spot where they have aged just enough to be worldly and sexy.  Regardless of his age, I want a man who I find interesting and stimulating as well as physically attractive.  I want a man who makes me laugh and teaches me things I never knew.  Above all, I want a man I can admire.  I want a man like my friend Cookie.  He lives on the opposite side of the world and yet I feel we’ve had more meaningful interaction than I’ve had with any other person in the past year.  I’d be downright delirious if I could find that kind of connection with someone on my own continent.

Am I thinking too locally?  Should I expand my search outside a 60 mile radius?  Should I consider online dating in its most literal sense?  Do I commit actual money to the quest?

To pay or not to pay; that is the question.

Possibly yours,

The Silly Girl

 

Image retrieved from http://photoforu.blogspot.com/2012/07/when-u-left-me.html

Crazypants, Party of Two

Tags

Batman, breakups, dating, depression, love, men, personal, relationships, Romance

My life is like a horrible reality TV show filled with manufactured pathos.  I really can’t fathom how I create so much drama is such a short amount of time.  I mean, seriously.  It has been a week.  In one week’s time I managed to break my own heart.  I think the problem is that it has really been broken all along and it took but an inkling of hope to swell and reopen the wounds.  It hurts.  I wasn’t dating Batman.  He was The Joker all along.  Or maybe that’s me.

Last we left off I was impatiently waiting for Batman to return my text messages.  Everyone I talked to said, “Don’t contact him again!  Men like the chase.  Don’t be needy!”  So I wrote him again that night, of course.  ”Should I assume you were SO EXCITED to hear from me that you have been in an oxytocin-induced coma since yesterday?”  I’m so clever.  ”Lol, well, I’ve been a little torn.  I really think you’re cool, and I like your company, but I don’t see going long term and so I don’t feel like I can really relax, which is what I want.  So, yeah.”

What. The. Fuck.  One and a half dates and he has already determined that this won’t go anywhere?  Seriously?  That wasn’t even a real date!  I got drunk and talked about ex-boyfriends and theology!  THAT DOESN’T COUNT!!!  I replied that I guess there’s no sense trying since it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Then I told him it was rather absurd to expect a guarantee that a relationship would last forever based on nothing more than an initial impression.  I said he would die a lonely man with that philosophy and it may be time to reevaluate.  Forget Batman, I should just call him Captain Crazypants.

Oh, but I didn’t stop there.  I couldn’t sleep that night.  I thought about how insane it is to be so commitment-phobic that you couldn’t even get to the second date.  I thought how lucky I am to have avoided that situation, and how it’s more of a reflection of his insecurities than my inadequacies.  Then I thought about how nice it was to connect with someone, and how amazing it felt to be touched again.  And how lonely it is to never leave the house.  And how it might be worth the pain to have just a little pleasure now and then.  Sometimes you have to bleed just to know you’re alive.  So when I got up in the morning I wrote him again and said that I was desperate for friends who share my interests and we should actually get to know each other before we started talking about a relationship.  He never answered me.

Will someone PLEASE stop me before I make an even bigger fool of myself?  I mean, I actually used the word desperate!  What’s worse, I spent the day mentally abusing myself, thinking about all the idiotic things I said and all the reasons I am utterly unlovable.  I have been filling this aching chasm inside me with schoolwork and deadlines, but it’s not enough.  There are too many quiet moments in a day where your thoughts can find and torture you.  It doesn’t help that my “friends” got together this weekend for the first time in months and they didn’t bother to invite me.  There were pictures on Facebook.  As if one rejection wasn’t enough.

Ah, and there we have it.  The true root of my misery.  I am friendless.  It seems like depression is always there, lurking, waiting for me.  Maybe I’ve just been too happy lately.  There were too many positive things going on in my life.  I found an internship supervisor, I was interviewed for some higher paying positions, and I was given hope that a school counseling position would open up at the time of my graduation.  Paying $75,000, no less!  The future looked very bright and tangible.  I could see all the years and the heartache and the effort finally paying off.  It was finally within my grasp!  Then the perfect man appeared.  A handsome 32 year old who shares my passion for fantasy and literature and has a rich social life I could become a part of.  He also works at a graphic design place, which meant I could finally figure out how to put my art into a marketable format.  It was too good to be true, but I felt like I deserved it.  I was finally going to have a normal life!

Some days it’s all I can do to keep from crying.

Pitifully yours,

The Silly Girl

 

Image retrieved from http://www.love-quotes-and-quotations.com/sad-and-alone.html

Hypocrisy, thy name is Silly Girl

Tags

personal, relationships, sex, love, dating, Superman, crazy women, men, online dating, Batman, Romance

I have a confession to make.  You know how I called Batman needy for saying he didn’t want to date a woman who is really busy?  I am the Queen of Needy.  I just didn’t realize how quickly it could manifest until today, when I spent 7 hours checking my phone for a reply to the text I sent asking if he was free tonight.  Seven.  Hours.  How does one go off the rails on the crazy train so quickly?  Let me explain.

I have not had sex in 11 months, and I have not been in a satisfying relationship for… okay, maybe never.  I did briefly date someone a year ago – I even managed to convince myself I was falling in love – but it was really a surrogate relationship I took on to make up for the fact that I was not over Superman.  In some respects I think I’m still not.  Taking all these facts into consideration, I have been on a physical and emotional hiatus for the past 10 months or so.  I shut down all my man-related needs and replaced them with female companionship and motherly duties.  It worked for a long time, but then my friends found boyfriends and I stopped hearing from them.  At all.  I still toss out feelers now and then, but I basically haven’t seen or heard from them in months.  Hence my sudden foray back into the dating world.

I was doing well after my first date with Batman ended in, well, nothing.  But then I decided to seek out friendship in any form and asked him to the movies.  As I said in my last post, I was under the impression that romance was off the table and we were simply two people going to see an awesome movie.  But I know in the back of my mind I was thinking, “If he gets to know me, he’ll fall in love with me.  They all do.”  So when the opportunity arose to seize a chance at love, I took it.  Big mistake.  I could have rocked right along deceiving myself for quite some time before this happened, but noooooo.  I just HAD to kickstart the process.  Those few minutes of heavy petting took my heart and body out of stasis.  Damn him, he turned me back on.

So here I am after some coffee and one date, that I didn’t even think was a date, watching my phone in the hopes that he’s thinking of me.  I’m fucked.  This guy has commitment issues like you wouldn’t believe and I am already torturing myself.  This cannot end well.  So what do I do now?  A big part of me says, “Use him for sex!” but I know myself too well.  I am definitely going to fall in love with this guy if I go there.  It may be another manufactured love built on issues of codependency, but it’ll feel very real and will hurt like a motherfucker.  A huge part of me says, “Maybe he’s The One!  You won’t know until you give it a chance!”  That part of me is an idiot.  Then there’s the small part of me that says, “If he was The One then he’d be crazy about you from the start.  He wouldn’t see your hope and optimism as detrimental traits, and he certainly wouldn’t take an entire day to get back to you.  Run while you still can!”  I keep telling all these parts of me to shut up and quit being so damn crazy – it has only been two days since our date – but that doesn’t leave me with a viable solution.  I am going to have to make a decision at some point.  Or am I being too hasty?  Damnit.

It’s like watching a train hurtling towards you and not being able to get your frozen body to move off the tracks.

Doomedly yours,

The Silly Girl

 

Image retrieved from http://seejanepublish.wordpress.com/tag/humor/

Dating Batman

Tags

Batman, dating, divorce, humor, love, men, personal, relationships, Romance, sex, Superman

I recently went on a coffee date with a socially strange, intelligent, good looking writer.  We ended up talking about a bunch of random topics, including my divorce, and the next day he informed me that my work schedule would be much too busy for him and he’d rather date a woman who had more time to fill up his life.  I thought, “Damn, needy on the first date?” and left it at that.  But then I got to thinking.  (A dangerous pastime, I know.)  I enjoyed going out with an adult my own age, we like a lot of the same things (such as vampires and dinosaurs), and he was easy to talk to.  Why not be friends?  It’s not as though I have a busy social schedule.  So I texted him and said, “Romance off the table, I think we’d get along pretty well.  What say you?  Want to be friends?”  He replied favorably and we made a plan to see Jurassic Park in 3D.

We went to the movie under the guise of friendship.  Afterward we walked over to Chili’s to get a drink and chat.  We drank, he told me about his relationship with his mother, I talked about all my ex-boyfriends, we got into a religious debate, he told me he can’t get off using a condom – you know, the usual.  It was the WEIRDEST CONVERSATION EVER.  I must say, though, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  I drank a bit too much and got entirely too free with my opinions, but it was fun for me.  Then I began to notice things – small phrases here and there – that led me to believe it was actually a date.  Seeing as we had already run the gambit of topics no man and woman should ever discuss, I decided to go with blunt honesty.  As we walked back to our cars I asked, “Was this a date?  Because I was here under the impression that romance was off the table.”  Essentially his answer was that it felt like a date to him but he didn’t know if he was ready to leap back into love with no guarantee that he wouldn’t be back at square one six months from now.

Things should have become incredibly awkward at this point, but they didn’t.  We had an honest conversation.  He said he wasn’t sure about dating women with children because he has a romanticized vision of what it will be like to become a parent for the first time together, and he wouldn’t have that with a single mom.  I responded that I knew exactly what he meant, because I was jealous of people who had that experience.  I had the misfortune of handling death threats and court dates during my pregnancy.  Surprisingly the conversation continued, still without awkwardness, and I was faced with a decision.  He stood before me saying it wouldn’t be worth the effort since I’d be sick of him in three months.  I looked back at him, keys in hand, ready to say he was right and we’d better stick to friendship.  But my lips had other ideas.

So now I’m home, post-makeout session, wondering what I’m going to do with this mysterious, existential Batman who wants his next relationship to last for the rest of his life.  I already know the sex will be great.  He has the same issue Superman did.  Another man with mommy issues who claims sex is still wonderful when the woman is the only one who can orgasm, and blames it on the fact that condoms don’t come large enough.  What are the odds?  All I can say is HOT DAMN!  Superman may have doled out some serious heartache, but it was worth it for a year of mindblowing sex.  If I can get that again then I’ll take it, come what may.

Dizzily yours,

The Silly Girl

Image retrieved from http://www.filmofilia.com/could-batman-reboot-arrive-in-2017-134498/

 

Karma Chameleon indeed

Tags

dating, humor, Karma, love, men, personal, relationships

Insert mean-kid-from-Simpsons laugh here.

Oh Karma, how you do love to toy with me.

As it happens, four people gave their two-weeks notice at my place of employment this past month.  After the first guy left I asked, “Hey, don’t you people do going away parties?”  The managerial response was, “Sometimes.”  Just not this time.

Now I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a shame.  Back in my post-college days I had only worked at Sears for six months when Dickhead (ex-husband, then fiancée) took a job in another part of the state.  On  my last day the girls threw me a surprise going-away party, complete with cake, presents, and a disposable camera to remember it by.  It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me.  My current coworkers had been at Polo for over a year and all they got was the finger.  Something had to be done!  There was much commentary about the fact that the “new girl” was throwing the company party, but nearly everyone attended.  Including, of course, Spanky, who was supposed to bring the camera.  He didn’t.  Bad dog.

Spanky invited me to sit at the bar and get a drink with him, so I did.  I don’t normally let men buy anything for me until the second date, but I couldn’t confuse the poor pup!  It was clear that he had already been drinking.  And then it became clear that he was on something more than just booze.  Not only did Spanky instruct the bartender not to make me something too expensive, he tried to take the first sip and then neglected to pay for it at all.  In the meantime he asked what I was having for dinner 10 times and offered to sell me his I-phone.  Class act, that one.  We also sat together at dinner, but by that time he was incapable of holding a conversation.  Fortunately there were many other interesting people there to laugh and talk with, including a cute friend of a coworker who I later gave my number to.  He did not call.  Instead he asked for the number of a different coworker.  She did not call either.

Later that week I was kvetching with my supervisor, talking about the drunken pup, and discussing my relationship woes when I learned that she’s fairly sure Spanky is on drugs.  I suspected as much.  It was also then that I learned my coworker had gotten the cute guy’s number but had no interest in him.  Ouch!  A Karma double-slap.  And then, to my surprise, a hot customer asked me out.

?

Go home, Karma.  You’re drunk.

Miguel was not only hot, but a behavioral therapist/physical trainer/tutor.  Oh.  My.  God.  A man who spends his life helping mentally disabled children and keeping himself in shape?!  Hot damn!  So we made a date.  We would have gone out right away but I had a 20 page final paper to write and a child to take care of.  Luckily I had Saturday off.  Then things got a little weird.

Miguel said he wanted to go out to lunch, but he would be out of town for the day.  He asked if I would meet him and then drive out of town with him.  An hour and a half.  For a short lunch.  Well sure, why not?  I mean, I’m certain that duct tape and trash bag in your trunk aren’t meant for me!  I declined.  So he asked about Saturday night.  I said sure, and asked what he wanted to do.  He asked what I wanted to do.  I gave him a list of options.  He said I was “one interesting lady!”  He asked if he could come over right then.  I said no.  He asked for a picture.  I sent one.  He asked for a full-body shot.  I said no.  And no matter how many times I asked for a time and place for Saturday, he dodged the question.  When I suggested the movies he said, “At your place?”  I said no.  Can you guess what happened?  I think you can!

He stood me up.

Oh Karma, what a tangled web we weave!  Well, I am not interested in dating a drug addict, but there’s no law against hanging out with one.  I’m in desperate need of friends at present so I’ll be going on a hike with Spanky and a former coworker sometime next week.  You know, right after I buy his I-phone.

Undeservingly yours,

The Silly Girl

 

Image retrieved from http://imgur.com/TlAuPjI

Just to clear the air…

Tags

crazy women, dating, humor, love, men, online dating, personal, relationships, sex, vagina teeth

Freshly Pressed?!  They love me!  Oh, they really love me!  Well, except for all those people who do not, in fact, love me.  *sob!*  I’ve seen a fair share of don’t-break-that-poor-boy’s-heart comments, so let me clear the air.  I am a very honest person, perhaps a bit too honest, but I over-analyze and exaggerate every single thing a man says or does.  Always.  I even find myself obnoxious at times.  That being said, if Spanky ever gets around to formally asking me out I will agree, but I will not instantly change my Facebook relationship status and delete my OKCupid account just to

use him for sex under the guise of a relationship.  Promise.  My vagina does not have teeth.  But if it did, it would look like this. —->>

 

HA!  Scared you, didn’t I?

 

Chomping at the bit,

The Silly Girl

P.S. This may or may not have been an excuse to post the Vagina-monster-fish in a forum that would not affront my grandmother.  Was that anyone else’s first thought when they saw it?  Anyone??  (Please don’t tell Grandma.)

image retrieved from http://m.now.msn.com/lamprey-caught-in-new-jersey

Unrequited

Tags

dating, humor, online dating, personal, relationships, sex, Sexuality, Unrequited love, workplace romance

Dear People of the Internet,

I’m back!  Don’t get giddy just yet, but I may have something interesting to say.  Maybe.  It has been six months since that has happened and I may have forgotten what interesting things look like.  This could be related to the fact that it has been nine months (NINE MONTHS?!) since I’ve had sex.  I could have grown a whole person by now!  Instead I have acquired two cats, which is merely a coincidence, I assure you.  I would like to have reported this interesting situation at a more Godly hour, but I accidentally fell asleep at 9 pm while putting my three year old to bed.  Alas, one of the many pitfalls of parenting.  And so I present to you: The Situation (with a conspicuous absence of abs, though I’m sure I have some under all this ice cream).

Remember those times in your life when you were simply mad about someone, probably from the first moment you met, but that person never returned your feelings?  Rhett M., fourth grade.  John R., eleventh grade.  Justin W., college.  I’m certain you’ve just made a similar list in your head.  I hate unrequited love.  It’s the most horrible fate a heart can endure.  I’d rather go through 10,000 breakups than spend my life hopelessly in love with a man who would never love me back.  (Oh Johnny Depp, when will you return my calls??)  Right now I am on the other side of that equation.  I’m sure this has happened at some other point in time (Prom Date, high school) but this is the first time I have encountered this situation as an adult.

When I began work at an overpriced clothing store last November I met a man who told me his name a few too many times and said good-bye standing awkwardly outside my car.  I knew right then that he found me attractive, that he was younger than I am, and that he had no idea how to ask me out.  Since that time I’ve learned that he is in fact three years younger, but he’s about as emotionally evolved as that guy I went to prom with (what the hell was his name??).  In fact, let’s call this guy Spanky.  If he were a dog he would most certainly be a terrier.  Anybody remember Wishbone, the book-loving Jack Russell circa 1998?  Anyway.  He’d jump up and down at you, eat your shoes and pee in the house, but you wouldn’t be able to get rid of the damn thing because it was cute and you knew that it meant well.  Unlike Wishbone, who was a genius.  I don’t dislike Spanky as such, but he does not appeal to my sapiosexual instincts and nothing about him says Future Father of My Child.  Normally I’d give him a polite no thank-you, but…  I don’t know.  Don’t you ever just want to punch Karma in the face?  What would happen if unrequited love got what it wanted just this once?  Would that really be so terrible?

Fact is, I haven’t exactly got much going on right now.  I’ve had many offers for dates on OKCupid, but nothing to write home about.  Except that one guy.  He was perfect.  Smart, cute, college professor, sarcastic and clever, and we never met.  We had a bit of wonderful banter about apes and poetry and the next thing I knew his profile had been deactivated.  It was a sad day for this silly girl.  He was PERFECT.  Then there was the fellow I met at my Masters conference in Chicago.  He was also all of those things, except he worked in a home for behaviorally challenged teens.  He made me laugh every single day, abhorred the idea of men treating women as objects, and sang karaoke just to make me happy.  But he’s married with an infant son.  Again, sad.

So what if this time around I decide to make someone happy?  Would that be such a terrible thing?  I think Spanky is something of an idiot, but maybe I’m wrong.  And just because someone is an idiot, that doesn’t mean he can’t be fun to hang out with or good in bed.  The only tricky bit is the coworker aspect.  If things go south (not in a good way, wink wink) then I will still have to see him at work.  I can keep my shit together, but can he?

I told my boss about it (who is a whole other story) and he laughed and said next Spanky was going to bring me an apple.  He’d hold it out, sheepishly grinning at the floor, and then run away.  I see his point.  Spanky is not the most mature of souls and this has all been very seventh grade in nature.  I half expect to find a note in my locker that says, “Do you like me?  Check yes or no.”  Meanwhile I’m over here calculating how proficient he would be in the sack.

Let’s get real people.  Romance is the last thing on my mind.  I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to check “one night stand” off my bucket list for the past month, but this is not a hit it and quit it situation.  I’d rather not have someone muttering “bitch” every time I passed through the men’s department, but I may not be giving him enough credit.  Oh, hell.  Let’s throw caution to the wind, shall we?  Let’s give unrequited love the shot it has always wanted!  Let’s spread a little happy at the risk of future disappointment!  I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?

…

Brrr.  Anyone else feel that chill go down their spine?

Fate-temptingly yours,

The Silly Girl 

 

Image retrieved from http://arolemodel.com/shy-guy-body-language-and-shy-girl-body-language/

Dear Mr. Biscuits, I love you. I think.

Tags

England, humor, love, men, personal, sex, Sexuality

You know why I love proper Englishmen?  Because they sound intelligent when they speak (and we all know how I feel about intelligent men).  I think if I ever vacationed in England I’d become a full-out whore and throw myself at any passing guy with a nice set of teeth.  I’d come home with at least 3 venereal diseases and a fat happy smile on my face.  Wouldn’t that be lovely?  Or maybe I’d just stay and spend my time sitting around libraries drooling over the masculine patrons.  There’s something erotic about a good looking man with a book in his hand.  Or perhaps that’s just me.  God only knows what I’d do if I knew he was a good looking man with a book AND a beautiful accent.

Oh, damn.  Did I say all that out loud?  Umm, look!  SQUIRREL!

Distantly yours,

The Silly Girl

Dear America, I love you. I think.

Tags

crazy women, McKayla Maroney, Olympic Games, NBC, women's liberation, feminism

Oh People of the Internet, how I’ve missed you!  What have I been doing all this time?  Funny you should ask.

No, I wasn’t winning a silver medal.

I had a Wine and Willies Weekend with the girls (Want to buy new vibrators and go wine tasting?  Of course!), flew across the country (and spent 5 hours sitting in my daughter’s vomit), began an epic grading battle with Professor Nazi (I’ll call raising a 13 to a 61 a win), and watched lots and lots of poorly presented Olympic games.  I think there may actually be other countries competing against the USA, but NBC won’t tell me who.

So why do I love America?  ‘Cause at least I know I’m freeeee!  Oh, sorry, that was last month.  This month I love America because we are CLEANING UP in the Olympic medals, and I am staying in a decrepit old mansion that was here when we were still owned by England.  I actually come here a few times a year to visit my Great Aunt and other New England family.  Unfortunately there is no air conditioning and my aunt owns a bunch of uncomfortable furniture you’re not allowed to put your feet on, but I do get to spend time with my cousins and admire the architecture.  I also saw a black squirrel this week.  Did you know they had those?!

I imagine this post won’t flow so beautifully as my others (scoff scoff) since it’s entirely too late to be awake, but I thought I’d mention something that’s been on my mind this week.  Women are bitches to each other, and I don’t understand why.  Gabby won gold and women gave her crap about her hair.  Lolo is being lambasted for having the audacity to be a virgin AND pose nude for ESPN.  Saudi Arabians are finally allowed to compete and they’ll probably have rocks thrown at them when they get home.  And on top of that, I was subjected to several episodes of Housewives and Kardashians this week.  WHY?  We live in a male dominated world where some countries devalue women so completely that there is literally a shortage in India, and this is how we respond?  How are we ever supposed to rise up if we don’t even love each other?  And why is McKayla Maroney so bitchy?  Damn.  See, it’s catching.

I may not be able to change the world, but I can certainly teach my daughter to shower the people around her with so much love and admiration that they can’t help but love her back.  I suggest you do the same.  Happy Olympics, everyone!

Lovingly yours,

The Silly Girl

 

Image retrieved from http://wwment.com/news/?cat=15493

Isn’t she loooovelyyyy…

Tags

personal, humor, crazy women, award

At this moment in time I have 55 posts and 63 followers under my belt, and I have just been nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award.  Since there are no other voters, I suppose I did in fact win it.  The rules are:

Thank the person/people who nominated you and link back to them in your post.
Share seven possibly unknown things about yourself.
Nominate fifteen or so bloggers you admire.
Contact the chosen bloggers to let them know and link back to them.

Thank you, Chris Biscuits of anxietyandbiscuits.com.  I adore you thoroughly, as would any fan of British wit.  People of the Internet – you really should check him out.  I laugh aloud at practically every post.  Even the quickies.  He has a direct line to my funny bone, that man.  In my head he’s really Hugh Grant writing under a pseudonym.

If you have read the entirety of my blog (which I doubt you have) then you already know quite a bit about me.  I don’t tend to hold back.  Rather than try to think of some clever tidbits, I am going to regurgitate an old chainmail that began on Myspace (Google it, youngsters) and briefly appeared on Facebook.  It’s four years old, so it required slight post-divorce editing.

25 Things About Me (You expected seven?  HA!)

1. I am English, Irish, French, Dutch, Italian, Hungarian, Swedish, Scottish, and German. But I have my prominent Italian side to thank for my greasy skin, my short stature, my love of food (a euphemism for “God I’m getting fat!”), and my very very loud mouth. I still love being Italian.

2. I stayed in Italy for 3 weeks when I was 16. I saw Mount Vesuvius, Mount Etna (what’s all that black stuff falling from the sky??), Pompeii, Venice, and the Sistine Chapel. The whole country is a living art gallery – it’s amazing! I especially loved Bernini’s art in St. Peter’s Basilica, and I want a small version of it for my tombstone.

3. If I had the cash I’d fly around the world going to concerts.  Sometimes I feel like a Nintendo character whose life force is draining, and I need live music to replenish.

4. When I was in high school I would have sold a kidney to get to meet The Goo Goo Dolls. Every now and then I still get the fever. Oooohh Johnny!!!

5. The biggest heartbreak of my life was not over a guy – it was my best friend Carrie who has not spoken to me in years (guess she grew up and I didn’t).

6. I love Terry Pratchett. I am a fan of British humor and I feel smarter when I read books that require having a dictionary nearby.

7. I love the Twilight and Harry Potter series. I am also a fan of books that require no thought whatsoever and still keep me riveted.

8. I wear a lot of red. Somebody once told me I looked good in red so I ran with it.

9. I met Stephan Jenkins after a concert in some ghetto dump in Charlotte. I told him it was Bonnie’s first concert, she asked him for a kiss, so he kissed her. And that vixen said, “I meant on the mouth” – so he kissed her again!! I still feel it vicariously…

10. I don’t like fake people. I want to punch them.

11. I am not photogenic. I can look FABULOUS and still come out looking like Smeagol on camera. Precioussssss…

12. I love high heels, but I look like I’m trying to walk on stilts when I wear them.  (I have gotten a bit better at this.)

13. My cousins and I used to go clubbing and pretend to be lesbians when horrid men tried to dance with us. That’s where I learned George Clooney does not frequent night clubs. Flava Flav does.

14. I love jewelry, and I love to make jewelry, but I rarely wear any.

15. I talk to cats like they can understand me.  I think they can – and choose to ignore me anyway.

16. People always say I look just like my mom. I never believed it until my hair grew out from a certain haircut and I saw my mother in the mirror. I ran for the scissors.

17. Okay, not that there is anything wrong with my mom, it just freaked me out in a major way.  So stop judging me.  Stop.  I can still hear you judging me!

18. I developed thicker skin when I went to work for DSS… and an admiration for power.  Scary, but true!  It’s a real rush when you’re in a business meeting with “adults” (am I still 12?) who give you the floor because you have the final word on the matter.  Power, power!  Bwahahaha!

19. When I get really angry I literally see red.  I thought it was just an expression until some guy picked on me in front of the entire class in Junior High and my head spun around.  Okay, maybe that part is just an expression.

20. I also get so mad that I literally can’t see straight.  These are the times when I cannot lash out for some reason, such as professionalism, and my angry mind vibrates inside my head.  HULK ANGRY!

21. I am a huge proponent of candles, music, and a bubble bath.  (And the Oxford comma.)  Sometimes The Hulk needs a little Norah Jones, ya know?

22. I did not have a working shower in the home I owned.  I had to take a bath every night.  It was irritating.  Now I miss it.

23. I am using my tax refund for a shower, a septic tank, and new tires.  My (now ex) husband is using his for a surround sound.  They say opposites attract, but I sometimes wonder if I’ve switched polarities.  (This was in 2008, before I learned that I had NO refund because that rat bastard tried to cheat the government.  I’m so happy that I’m divorced.)

24. My sister-in-law Missy was one of my best friends. As a matter of fact, in the state of South Carolina she was one of my only friends.  (Sad, but true.  That’s why I now live in California.)

25. I need to get out more…  (No longer true!  WOOHOO!!!  FRIENDS!!!!!)

So there’s your seven things.  Thing number 26: The primary purpose of this blog is narcissistic self-indulgence, and I don’t read 15 other blogs.  So here’s who I am nominating:

http://wonderwimp.wordpress.com/  So young, so clever, so irreverent.  She’s worth a looksee.

http://thedailymisfortune.com  The world’s best daily fortune cookie.

http://justcassie.wordpress.com  This blog is incredibly appealing to me because her views are so dissimilar to my own.  Follow a Witch and you’ll most certainly learn something new!

So that’s it.  You get three.  Retract my award if you will.  Banish me for being unsupportive of my fellow bloggers.  Whip me, beat me, make me write bad checks!  I shan’t trivialize such an honor by bestowing it upon blogs I do not truthfully read!

Besides, isn’t this post long enough?  Jeez, people.  Get a life.

The Silly Girl

Editor’s note:  I lied.  I read four blogs, and I feel bad that I left off poet Dean J. Baker.  You should check him out too.  Sorry Dean!!  http://deanjbaker.wordpress.com/2012/07/18/room-on-the-moon/